The Curmudgeon

A curmudgeon is a "bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous person."  The term is usually reserved for cranky old people that yell at children who dare to pass by their front yards, wearing pants that are too baggy, and their baseball caps backwards.  However, I have a sneaking suspicion that the term could be re-defined as a 35 year old wife/mom-of-4/English teacher.

Top 5 Signs I'm turning into a curmudgeon.

5. Two of my kids have birthdays coming next month.  Most moms get excited about birthday cakes and parties, all I keep thinking is, "Didn't we just celebrate this thing last year?  Why can't I just buy you a gift card to Starbucks and call it a day?  What, you want other kids to come over?  Seriously, aren't your three siblings enough for you?  Cuz they're enough for me, and cakes are so over-rated, let's just stick some matches in a hostess cupcake and call it a day, wouldn't that be fun?

4. At volleyball practice today, I told my kids they could only have 2 Hershey's kisses each, and then I voraciously ate the rest of the ones that they had packed in our snack bag.  When they looked at me accusingly, I said, "It's okay for me to eat this much junk, my insides are rotten already, it's too late for me.... but you're still young."

3. I miss Simon Cowell on American Idol because nice judges saying nice things to talented people is soooo boring.  And I miss Regis complaining about his health issues on Regis and Kelly, there's no one grumpy to counteract Kelly's perkiness, and I'm starting to resent her for it.

2. In the mornings, Dan likes to say good morning to everyone, and I like to say, "What's good about it?" And then glare at him.

1. I found great delight and joy in making this list of things I feel cranky about.

Woot - Woot - He Did It!

I'm so proud that I get to brag about my husband.  He ran his first marathon this weekend!  And even though, getting there, and me driving to the finish line at 7 in the morning with four grumpy kids, and getting lost on the Orange County freeways may have been a tad stressful, I must say..... It was worth it!  I am so proud of the stick-to-it-iveness that Dan has shown training for this marathon over the last 5 months.  He finished the 26.2 miles in 4 hours, 15 minutes.  And my sister, who is ridiculously impressive, ran the half, finishing 40th among women out of literally thousands of runners..... this leaves me with only two words - WOOT, WOOT!

* The praying hand is an art project Maylin brought home last week, she said she was praying for her dad's upcoming run, so he wouldn't get hurt, is that an awshucks moment or what?

A Happy Ending

"A Happy Ending" refers to the end of our spring break last week.  We finished our vacation with a few days in Palm Springs with our favorite 2 year old, Owen, oh.... and his parents!  When I wrote no boys allowed as my blog heading, I should have said, "except dad and Owen," because he's such a big part of our lives, and the girls love him like a little brother.  He brings an element to our home that's definitely missing here.... a rough & tough, I'm all boy, watch out element.  Sometimes, I think the girls should wear helmets when they play with him, but somehow, they keep up with him, especially Morgan!

Anyway, our time in PS was beautiful and a blast, and a great blessing to us.  Here are some classic pool shots, because nothing says vacation like time spent at the pool!

In No Particular Order...

Spring Break has been making me sooooo happy, for sooooo many reasons. Here are a few:

Token Easter Sunday picture: Here are the girls at church on Sunday,

dressed in some of Mimi's newest creations. My mom has had the same

sewing machine for 30 years, and finally, she broke down, and got a new

one. No joke, it's called the Project Runway machine, and it has re-inspired

my mom to sew again, and guess who benefits from that? Her only 4 grand-

children, of course. So far, she's made them 12 dresses. Thank you Tim

Gunn for bringing sewing back into fashion, and saving me a WHOLE lotta

money!

Here's Maylin & her friend, Ella at a little egg hunt we

had out here in Somis. They're 2 peas in a pod!
Wait, who's that in the middle? Cousin Abby from Washington?

Her family escaped to Cali for some sunshine during their spring break,

and we got to see them for dinner, on their way to Palm Springs! So fun,

Dan still thinks that oldest brother of his is the coolest. I don't think

younger siblings ever stop looking up to their older ones.

Morgan, looking funny.
Oh and speaking of siblings..... here's a rare photo op of my brother and I! I would like to say that he looks up to me, but when he and I were

brainstorming what to get our sister for her birthday, he was extremely

disdainful of my old lady taste. I think he actually thinks he's cooler than

I am.
Our trip to Visalia, March 30th for Mimi AND Papa's

birthday.... weird that we got presents for their birthday,

but I'm not complaining!
And last, but not least, here's the baby of the family, looking deceptively angelic. She's so cute, she's so fun, she so does not take our discipline seriously. It's like she knows we're not really that upset. She'll probably end up robbing banks some day, and when she demands that the teller give her all the money, she'll smile, and point to her dimples. Mothers

warn your sons, check the birth order of the person you're going to marry. If

they are the youngest in their family.... run, run for your life!

Smarty Pants

Lorelei came home today, and asked with the sly smile of a 2nd grader, "Hey mom, are you smart?"

"Yes I am." I replied ever so humbly.

"Then spell it," Lorelei smiled.

" I - T "

"Wow, mom you are smart, how did you know that one?"

Yeah, that's right kid, just remember, us moms are smarter than the average bear. We know why you're telling on us ( 'cuz you put ants in our pants & made us do the boogie dance). We know what happens if we "cut the pickle," (tickle, tickle, tickle), and yes, I know what happens when you put your hand under your armpit, and squeeze your other arm into your side. We're just that smart.

Peer Pressure Prevails

For the past 2 years I have held on to my faithful maroon little basic cell phone, and I have resisted the temptation to "upgrade." Despite the fact that I had no internet access, no GPS system, no ability to really see the pictures my friends sent me throughout the day, I continued in my steadfast stubborn resolve. I said, "Iphones are over-rated, we all lived perfectly happy lives without iphones, why do I have to get one now? Iphones, bah humbug, they're so everywhere, they're so in your face, they're so trendy, I refuse to assimilate to the culture....."

So what if all of my 7th graders have nicer cell phones than mine? I don't care, I don't need Angry Birds to make me happy. I don't need phones that play music and allow me to actually hear what the person on the other end of the line is saying. I refuse to be high maintenance, another so-Cal drone who carts around a purse that's bigger than my first car, who wears leggings with boots, who.....well okay, I do those last two things, but still, you get my drift, I'm a rebel at heart.

But here's what happened, my contract was up, I went in, they offered me a deal, I defiantly told them I REFUSE to pay a lot of money for one of thoooose iphones, and then the girl told me I had a credit for getting through my contract, and that if I got the 4 instead of the 4S or whatever, it wouldn't be very much at all, and the next thing I knew..... I had an iphone in my over-sized purse.

And here's the thing I hate. I sort of really LOVE it.

There's this word game called Iassociate2 that I'm obsessed with, and now when I'm watching a movie on TV, and I wonder who is that guy, where have I seen him? I just pick up my IMDB app and the answer appears magically before me, and I started taking pictures of my ridiculously cute children again, and my mom says that when I call her, she can actually hear me now, and there's a flashlight app, and a to do list app, and even a quote of the day by Charles Spurgeon.

It kind of makes me teary just thinking about it, and when I brought it to my class for the first time, one of the kids, shouted, "Mrs. Leaman, got a new phone.... it's an iphone!" Then the whole class stood up and cheered. I'm NOT kidding. I got a standing ovation. It was a moment, it was as if they welcomed me out of the 90's and into the new era. Next thing you know, I'll be taking Pilates classes, buying organic milk, and for fun I'll hang out at the Apple store. Or maybe not.

Turns Out, I'm a wimp.... a very grateful wimp

I have always been told that mothers are supposed to remain calm when their children are hurt. I thought I was pretty good at this. When the girls were toddlers they would topple off the couch, trip over the porch steps, bump their heads on the table corners, and each time I would cheerfully respond, "you're okay," because I didn't want to alarm them or over react.

But here's the deal, when blood is involved and hysterical screaming, I'm no longer the picture of serenity, and here's how I know that. Yesterday, Noelle smashed her finger in the door. My kids have all smashed their fingers in van doors, sliding doors, playhouse doors, etc. But this time Noelle screamed, rather than cried, she SCREAMED, 3 ear piercing, horrible help me type of screams. And still I was a little slow to respond because I thought maybe her sister had slammed the door on her by accident and she was just angry. But then as I walked toward her and she held her hand out, and it looked like either the tip of her finger was going to fall off or a bone or nail or I don't know what was jutting out and blood was oozing everywhere, I did not stay calm! I started crying, like a little whimpering, help me, what the heck do I do right now cry. I'm the mom, I'm supposed to be able to handle every situation, but no, I totally freaked out.

Here's the good news. Dan had just left the house (he had come home from lunch), so I called him, and he turned around, and was home within probably 3 minutes, and Kat, my faithful neighbor grabbed my other girls, and Dan, and Noelle, and I headed to Urgent Care. Here's a list of things I'm thankful for in the midst of a mini-crisis:

1. Prayer: Kat was praying with the girls, I texted my sister who happened to be with my mom, and they were praying.

2. Husbands that truly do remain calm when their wives and daughters are crying and freaking out.

3. Urgent care: Instead of waiting 3 hours in the ER waiting room, we were ushered right in and taken care of in an hour's time.

4. Fractured fingertips and missing fingernails are an amazing blessing in comparison to broken legs or head injuries or chronic illnesses.

5. Modern medicine: Once the doctor could give her a numbing block, the pain was gone, and we all calmed down.

6. Nurses who, unlike me, can look at mangled fingers and not even bat an eyelash. Noelle and I couldn't even look. She wouldn't look until she was fully bandaged and in her splint, and even then, she was hesitant.

So really, despite the fact that I realized I should be on the world's top 10 wimpiest moms list, yesterday's incident ultimately reminded me to be thankful for the goodness of God. Because if all I have to complain about is grading papers and my kids giving me gray hair because of fingers smashed in the door, then really I should be on my knees giving thanks all of the time.