Cold-Hearted Snake

So if you've ever seen me interact with my children when one of them gets hurt, your subconscious may begin replaying that old Abdul classic we all secretly know and love, Cold Hearted Snake, and in my defense, here's why:

A little after 1 today, I put Morgan down for a nap, then the girls and I sat in the front yard for a bit, chattin' it up with the neighbor (Kat). We have a wooden swing in the front, Noelle was whacked in the lip by it while pushing her sister.... insert lots of crying and tears. Then we went inside, Noelle then went to play with Lorelei in her room, and fell and hit the bunk bed ladder..... insert lots of crying and tears....... After Morgan woke up, sister accidentally knocked her while she was drinking out of my glass cup, bumping her teeth and lip..... insert lots of crying and tears. I then went to take a shower, and heard Lorelei run into the bathroom upset. She claims she fell and bumped her chin and she thought the inside of her mouth was bleeding...... insert lots of crying and tears.

Now for those of you keeping track, that's 4 injuries in 2 hours, that's 4 hysterical, high-pitched bouts of crying. Now I've got a little math problem for you. I've had in my possession, 4 kids for about 995 days now, In each of those 995 days, the 4 kids are awake about 12 hours a day. If I average 4 injuries every 2 hours, that's potentially 24 crying incidents a day. Now multiply 24 times 995. Yep. that's 23,880 crying incidents I've potentially experienced. These numbers don't even take in to consideration the almost 4 years before Morgan was born, this is just since I've had her.

My point is, I've seen the kids fall, trip, push, hit, stumble, bump heads, scrape elbows, and beg for bandaids on quite a few occasions. So if I appear incredibly cold and callous because my kid enters the room with a bloody nose, and I barely turn to acknowledge them, well, you do the math!

Back When I Was a Kid...

For some reason, I was remembering how my mom used to force us to watch old classics with her, and how I was always glad I did, because I would end up laughing & crying & acknowledging that she was right, the oldies were the goodies. Can't wait till my kids are a little older, and I too, can force them to watch the classics with me.

Top Ten Movie Classics My Mom Made Me Watch:

10. Sergeant York: Gary Cooper, guns, war, and a Christian conversion, yep, this one's what we call a Felix favorite. It's a classic about a war hero, and based on a true story. (1941)

9. High Noon: Gary Cooper's the man, and Grace Kelly is the most beautiful actress maybe ever. (1952)

8. The Philadelphia Story: Katherine Hepburn, Jimmy Stewart, and Helllloooo Cary Grant.

It's so fun to hear the way Kate Hepburn talks. During that era, the movie studios actually trained their actresses to all speak in that very distinct way, it's so fun to listen to. This is a sweet and silly one. (1940)

7. Roman Holiday: Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn (her first film I believe) 1953, another sweet one to watch, remakes don't do them justice. A princess just wants to be a real girl for the day, you know how it is.

6. Sorry, Wrong Number: This was a suspense with Barbara Stanwyck, ahead of it's time.... a bedridden invalid overhears the plot for a murder and tries helplessly to prevent it. (1948)

5. Meet John Doe: Let's see directed by Frank Capra, starring Gary Cooper and Barbara Stanwyck, the fast talking journalist, what more could you want in a movie? Not only that, but there's a riotous speech given by a hobo about the "helots" in the movie that Dan loves. (1941)

4. An Affair to Remember: There's a reason Nora Ephron pays homage to this movie by referring to it in Sleepless in Seattle. It's the best. I love watching the last scene with my dad, he cries like a baby EVERY TIME, and so do I. (1957)

3. All About Eve: Whew, nothing in the world like deceptive and jealous women vying for

fame and clinging to their youth. You go Bette Davis, you go.... (1950)

2. It's a Wonderful Life: Duh. (1946)

1. Love in the Afternoon: My all time favorite, I don't know why, but I love Audrey Hepburn's attempts as the young naive girl to get the attention of an aging womanizer, played by Gary Cooper. In the background, an orchestra plays Fascination, Maurice Chevalier plays a French detective, and a silly dog makes me laugh all throughout the story. (1957)

Honorable Mentions: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Rear Window, Dark Victory, Now Voyager, Arsenic & Old Lace, The Bishop's Wife, Sabrina, Rebecca, and The Maltese Falcon.

While He Was Away...

So Dan's been out of town, attending a family wedding in Tennessee since Thursday. While he was gone, my mom came to keep me company, and spoiled me by taking me to Costco & Target and all our usual faves. She went back home on Saturday, and then Beth came to spend the night. Now everyone's gone, and Dan's boarding a plane to head back, leaving me with a moment to reflect on our time apart. Here's what I came up with.

Things I liked about my husband being away:

1. I didn't make the bed, not even once. Here's the thing people, I don't care about whether or not my bed is made, I never actually have, but for some reason, it drives Dan crazy. He doesn't like to go to bed in a messy, disheveled array of sheets. I, on the other hand, could sleep on piles of laundry. I know some of you are grossing out, but it's true. So yep, I didn't feel the silent, disapproving pressure from the hub to make the bed..... Whew, freedom.

2. We ate Lean Cuisines, Del Taco, and string cheese, and I loved it. When Dan's around I feel this sort of wifely obligation to cook official meat-themed meals from time to time. He doesn't actually say, "Hey, cook me some dinner woman," but I know he appreciates it, so I make the effort. But while he was away.... Lattes and pretzels are the equivalent of the four food groups.

3. When the kids went to bed, I caught up on Oprah episodes and rented a really lame one-star chick flick on On Demand. Oh, yeah, bring on the cheese.

Things I didn't like about Dan being away:

EVERYTHING ELSE!

It turns out, I actually missed him. The house isn't the same without him, I don't like not having him to throw the kids in the air when he gets home (while I glare at him dissaprovingly because they're not being safe), I don't like that nobody is cheerfully singing opera in the kitchen while the rest of us grumps slurp up our cereal, and I especially don't like that there's no one to at least pretend to listen to my lengthy debrief of the day and the kids various successes and failures.

So as it turns out, the single life isn't for me, especially because I married the nicest, most good-natured guy ever. So if I ever go through some sort of tragic mid-life crisis and try to claim that I forfeited my youth and never got to "experience life" (aka go to clubs and get attention from drunk guys that will cheat on me) just remind me of this post, and the fact that making the bed every morning probably builds character.