Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Martyr Complex

I'm sure none of you out there ever play the martyr, rather you all embrace your roles in motherhood with joy and gladness. I, on the hand, am not quite that sanctified yet, so I occasionally, okay daily find myself playing the martyr. This week has been especially bad, because every night this week Dan had to work on 2 of our cars, and I knew that he would be gone all day today (Saturday) too. So just to be especially pleasant, I've been saying things like this:

"I've been home all day long with the four of them, and now you want to spend the evening working on the car.... no, that's fine, it's just kind of like a long continuation of my day..... I'm like a single mom."

"Oh you went out to a really nice lunch today and someone brought food to you, and cleaned up after you, that's nice. I made the girls peanut butter and jellys and ate their scraps to save money."

"It's weird how most of the dirty laundry is from you and the kids, and yet, I'm the one that does it all."

"What me upset? No, I'm just a little tired from taking the kids swimming today. It was just me with four unskilled swimmers in the pool trying to keep them all afloat simultaneously. O, did I show you the bruises on my thigh from where they kept kicking off on me to swim back to the side?"

"The beach? Oh yeah, it was great, it just took me an hour to clean the sand out from the van afterwards, but you know me, anything for the kids."

Looking back, I may have been a tad bit difficult this week. This morning Dan let me sleep in and went and got doughnuts for the kids and Starbucks for me to assuage his guilt before leaving for the day. That small gesture made me happy, and it made me feel guilty because I must have really laid it on thick this week to evoke such a gesture. What can I say? I'm a work in progress.


5 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh Christina I get that way sometimes too. Sometimes men NEED the reminder that having kids isn't all momma's job. I admit, we might want to learn a better way to get the point across (like when we're in a good mood maybe?)but you're not alone. Ethan is VERY HIGH STRUNG and other than Norman no one sympathizes with me. Sometimes we just need the hubby to acknowledge that it's very hard work, give a little Starbucks and a hug! I'm here for you buddy!

Jen said...

Um...it's like you are reading my mind here. I've been busting out lines like "Why can't you bathe Liam, put him to bed, do all the dinner dishes AND continue to set up our house tonight? Do you know what I do all day?" or the pleasant "Yes, I get that you're tired from work, but I'm tired from dealing with the time difference." (Whatever that means)
I still haven't gotten doughnuts yet. Perhaps I should go bug him to wash my car AND simultaneously have a conversation with me about why Jon Gosselin is a jerk - without tuning me out. Poor men.

Leaman said...

God is so faithful. I think I need to stop having that complex. We are really so blessed. So happy you got a starbucks and can't wait to see you. I will try not to complain when you are here.

Edwards Family said...

Oh....so that's what I need to do to get a Starbucks! I'll have to try that this week! haha! You forgot to mention the highlight of the week...coming to MY house!

Sara said...

How about this one?

Oh, I'm SO glad you're getting so much rest and relaxation on our vacation while I'm still doing all the same things I do every single day in the caring for and tending of this family. No really, do another puzzle, check your email. I wouldn't want you to tucker yourself out.

But I'm not bitter or anything.... :)