Why I Hate Sports

I think it was in kindergarten when I first discovered that I was uncoordinated.  We were all supposed to do this little throw and catch drill back and forth with a partner, and I remember the teacher pulling me aside to partner with me herself in an attempt to direct me.  She looked at me with a mixture of pity and concern, and then told me to practice more at home.

In 4th grade, we officially began P.E.  and I remember these two new teachers leading us out to the playground.  The female one was stereotypically butch, and Mr. Clark, the male looked bored and annoyed and he had a mustache like Sam Elliot from Mask.  Anyhoo, I quickly realized that they were not interested in any of the one-liners that my other teachers found charming, nor did they buy the fact that I had a stomach ache and needed to see a nurse.  Nope, they were hardened, leathery-skinned former athletes that pretty much hated weaklings like me.  I couldn't hit a ball with a bat, I couldn't run a mile in under 10 minutes, and I definitely couldn't do a pull up.  

Fast-forward to high school and the humiliation just escalated.  This one girl Joy and I were the only 2 freshmen that couldn't do a cartwheel, and when all the "cool kids" would invite me to go skiing for the weekend, I would make up lame excuses because I was terrified of even trying it, since at this point I realized I pretty much had no sense of balance, no natural strength, a bad sense of direction, a fear of heights, no stamina, and  was lacking in any type of coordination.  

So what's the point you ask?  Why did I suddenly feel the need to go on a self-deprecating rant and recall to you, the tragic memories of my youthful inadequacies?   (Who needs therapy, when you've got blogging, right?)  Because now that I'm an adult, and people don't judge me based on my inability to serve a volleyball (never once got one over the net, thank you), you'd think that I'd be over my aversion to sports.  But right now, my husband is HOGGING up the TV to watch the MOST BORING soccer game of all time, and my dramatic sighs and loud shifting around on the couch were ineffective in their attempts to get him to change the channel to ANYTHING other than that.  

So, I was reminded of why I hate sports, because not only was I incredibly bad at them, but they are absolutely painful to watch.